"Economic Stimulus" = More Tax for Jonny, More Consumption for YouPart II:Why Jonny Sits on His Ass Instead of Working.

In Part I of this article Jonny discussed his views on the current "Economic Stimulus" program and what a smelly Red-Radio-Flyer-with-Wooden-Rails-and-All-Terrain-Tires WAGON-LOAD of SHIT it is.

Part II is a continuation of that line of thought, geared more toward Jonny's general fucking disdain and loathing of our tax system and what he does to beat it.

Same credits go to WestonPoker.com / BigStack.com as in Part I of this article. Thanks to T3 for providing the forum and to the other guys for providing their thought-provoking comments/input/feedback.

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Here's the deal: Without question, the U.S. tax system is one of the biggest weights hanging around the neck of the U.S. economy. Why? Because it DISCOURAGES many Americans from working, from creating jobs, and from innovating.

"But WAIT Jonny - I call Bullshit!", you exclaim. "Hard work, innovation, and entrepreneurship are the values at the very CORE of the American Dream. What ever do you mean?"

Well, that's the view of most civilians in the business world. By "civilians" I mean the masses that work for The Man - those that earn their living as an employee rather than as an employer. It's also the opinion of many wide-eyed, would-be entrepreneurs that, while toiling for The Man, from the safe and comfy confines of their shitty little cubicle, dream of "going out on their own". Why? Because they simply don't realize what an ass-fucking(1) they have coming to them if they DO start a business AND they are lucky enough to actually be successful at it.

"Please elaborate, Jonny", you plead, like a child begging Grandpa to tell another old-man story. "What awful villain is going to ass-fuck you, Jonny?"

Well, it's this guy named Sam that we're worried about. You know who I'm talking about - he's most visible in March and April standing on the median outside of various Liberty Tax Preparation locations along with that French cunt "Statue of Liberty". He wears a ridiculous red, white, and blue outfit like a really creepy clown with a FUCKED UP hat. No, not Cheddar, he's the short one dressed like a midget-clown or a leprechaun. Sam is tall. You know who I mean - THAT GUY.

"I still don't understand Jonny. Why would the nice man in the funny outfit and hat want to harm you?"

Well, no one knows it, but that creepy clown is Jonny's "Silent Partner". Let me illustrate:

Let's pretend that Jonny had a great Crown-induced idea and wanted to start a new business:

1) First, Jonny would have to invest a tremendous amount of his time and effort working toward starting his new venture.

2) At the same time, Jonny would have to invest a large chunk of money as start-up capital. The money would either have to come from Jonny's pockets, or he would have to borrow it. Either way, it's coming out of Jonny's ass if things don't go well - he's at risk of losing 100% (or more) of the money he sinks into this thing.

3) Next, Jonny busts his ass to first get the business to a point where it can survive, and then perhaps he might even be lucky enough to reach a point where the business is making a little money. Jonny breathes a big sigh of relief. His investment of time, effort, and money is still FAR from secure, but at least it's looking like success is a slightly possible outcome. Jonny decides he is ready to draw his first paycheck, representing a little fruit from his efforts, so he can take Mrs. Jonny out for a nice dinner to thank her for putting up with all of the long hours, hard work, and financial sacrifices.

4) Well, word seems to travel faster than the rumor of a SWAT raid in the Dallas underground poker community, and Jonny's silent partner (that creepy bastard in the FUCKED UP hat) somehow makes a bee-line from the nearest strip center, and he manages to arrive before Jonny has even written out that check. And guess what? He's got his hand out, looking for his share. Sammy and his cousin from the State of Texas get:

a) 15.3% of every dollar Jonny makes in Social Security and Medicare taxes
b) 2.7% of every dollar in State Unemployment tax
c) 0.9% of every dollar in Federal Unemployment tax

So far Creepy Clown has skimmed Jonny for almost 19 cents out of every dollar, and Jonny gets 81 cents. Damn! A 19% rake is STEEP. It's not "State Lottery Steep", but it's still high. Okay, that's something Jonny can learn to live with. 19% for all of the privileges and protections that this country affords Jonny is probably worth it, even though they could really run a lot leaner and give us a rake reduction.

NOT SO MUCH. That 19% goes to pay for entitlements to other people. Other "citizens". In other words, Jonny hasn't BEGUN to pay for his "country".

Then comes the income tax. Most years, one of two things will happen - either Jonny is already in a high marginal bracket and paying either 28% or 33% on every incremental dollar, or he's subject to AMT and paying 26% or 28% of EVERY dollar.

So now Creepy is getting between 45% and 52% of every dollar Jonny makes. Somehow, me and Ass-Clown Guy are EQUAL partners, even though Jonny is the one doing ALL of the work and taking ALL of the risk. You probably originally thought that Jonny's choice of the "ass-fuck" metaphor was a little extreme - are you coming around?

But wait, it gets better. As Jonny's income increases, he gradually gets more-fucked (or "deeper-fucked", or "worse-fucked"? - Jonny isn't sure how to express the different degrees of ass-fucked-ness). His ability to take normal deductions and credits disappears. Itemized deductions (like mortgage interest and property taxes on Jonny's Cardboard Box Estates homestead, as well as sales tax and other expenses)? GONE. Personal exemptions ($3,400 per person in your household for 2007)? GONE. Child tax credit? FORGET IT. IRA deduction? NOPE. "Mr. Jonny, sir, you don't get to deduct stuff that normal folks do because you are one of those evil 'rich' people".

And an "Economic Stimulus Payment" or "Rebate"? - ROFLMGDMFAO!!! "Mr. Jonny, sir, those go to people who DESERVE them, not to you evil people that work hard, take risks, and sometimes make a lot of money."

And I haven't scratched the surface of the possibility that there are corporate taxes on profits before they get to Jonny. That's a different post for a different day.

Oh yeah, and Jonny also hasn't discussed the possibility that these various tax rates go even higher after the next election, since our big, fat, bloated, morbidly-obese government is broker than broke and has to recover that deficit somehow. And don't forget that Medicare and Social Security are already insolvent relative to their respective obligations and rapidly spiraling toward complete bankruptcy. Who do you think will be expected to bear the additional tax load? Since everyone's vote counts the same, and there are more "commoners" than "aristocrats", guess who gets the shitty end of this deal? Yep, it's a party in Jonny's ass and everyone's cummin'!

Okay, Jonny will bring all of this tangentiality(2) (just for you Waldo - love you!) back on topic, as if he were winding down an epic Lynyrd Skynyrd guitar solo and trying to somehow relate it back to the original melody. Why is our tax system detrimental to our economy? Because it makes it more compelling for people like Jonny to sit on their ever-growing ass than to get up, mix in a salad, and go back to work at making this country great.

So, as teased in the header of this article, how does Jonny beat the tax system? If you were hoping for some glowing shit-nugget of tax-evasion strategy, sorry. Jonny beats the Tax Man by NOT MAKING MONEY. Simple. The less money you make, the less you owe in taxes. Follow my lead - sit on your ass, get drunk, complain, and save on your tax bill. The less you do, the better off you are - it's as American as Apple Pie. Brilliant!

WHY THE FUCK would Jonny expend his time and effort and risk his money on a new business venture, so that IF Jonny's new business idea does succeed, he gets to share the fruits of his labor 50/50 (or worse) with some leaching fuck in a creepy clown costume?

Simply put, it's a huge DISINCENTIVE to entrepreneurs, innovators, and other would-be job-creators. If the chains were lifted, Jonny would gladly get up, start an enterprise, start creating jobs for civilians again, and generally start contributing to the overall wealth, gross domestic product, and standard of living for the good old U.S.A. But Jonny has a shock collar around his neck, and he has to be REALLY determined to get out of the yard before he's going to make a break for it. Actually, it's more like those collars in The Running Man - like a shock collar, except they blow your fucking head off. Pink mist, baby!

Usually Jonny likes to just bitch without offering any real solutions to his problems, because if all the problems were solved Jonny wouldn't be able to bitch. But Jonny is confident in his ability to find something else to bitch about, so he will release a little turd of wisdom regarding this bitch-fodder.

ELIMINATE THE MARGINAL RATES AND THE PHASE-OUT OF DEDUCTIONS AND CREDITS. At present, Jonny does his best to MINIMIZE his taxable income so that he doesn't get double-donged by higher marginal tax brackets and reduced deductions. How American is THAT? Am I fulfilling my destiny as a patriotic American by sitting on my ass, drinking heavily, and making as LITTLE money as possible? Maybe I was stoned and misunderstood my teacher the day we covered "The American Dream" in Dallas public school, but Marcus Aurelius had a dream that was Rome, Proximo, and THIS IS NOT IT!

However, if the C-4 Shock Collars of marginal tax brackets and deduction/credit phase-out were eliminated, and Jonny knew that he would pay the same percentage of tax whether he made $20,000 or $10,000,000, even Jonny's lazy ass would shoot for the high end.

Seems simple, huh? So go get it done - I'm timing you!

Jonny out, bitches! ♥ Love you long time!

(1) Jonny apologizes for all of the negative connotations he associates with anal sex in this article. Jonny has nothing against anal. For that matter, Jonny is conceptually cool with anal regardless of the gender of the pitcher and the catcher - Jonny is of the opinion of "Hey, whatever floats your boat!". Jonny hopes that he did not offend anyone by portraying anal as such a violent, vile act. What he meant to say is that Uncle Sam likes to perpetrate "non-consensual, forced, prison-style anal RAPE", but this post is uber-long and Jonny doesn't have the energy to go back and rewrite the entire article to sound more politically correct for the readers that like sweet, consensual, gentle, loving anal sex.

(2) Even my spell-checker choked on this word. I RULE!