To You NASTY MOTHERFUCKERS at the WSOP

A recent post on BigStack.com / WestonPoker.com reminded Jonny of something he wrote a few years ago on another forum about the sanitation practices of a lot of Jonny's fellow poker players.

Reposting so that this gem is preserved for posterity.

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August 1, 2006

Ok guys, two points about you nasty, smelly, unsanitary COCKSUCKERS at the World Series of Poker (WSOP)!!!

1) Ok, guys, I see you EVERY day on EVERY break. We have 15-20 minutes to visit the restroom, yet you nasty motherfuckers REFUSE to wash your hands. I saw what you did there. I SAW you. I have seen you on every single goddamn break since the World Series started. Why? What is it that you have planned that prevents you from washing your hands after you take a piss? What GREAT PLANS does your future hold? Are you working on the cure for cancer on your breaks during poker tournaments? What great innovation would mankind miss out on if you stopped and took a minute to rid your nasty fucking hands of bacteria, spermatozoa, and whatever other infectious entities you are bearing that might make your refusal to wash your nasty fucking hands worthwhile? I have watched you for weeks. You are so scared that you might miss a hand that you scurry from the men's room without even a rinse. Then, when you bust out, or (heaven forbid) you bust me out, you want to shake my hand or high-five me with your dirty, disgusting hands. What the FUCK makes you think I want to touch your FILTHY FUCKING HANDS after you have been diddling your SMELLY FUCKING COCK, wiping your SMELLING FUCKING ASS, or doing other unspeakable things and then failing to wash your nasty hands with a little soap and water? PLEASE take 30 seconds to wash your hands, and I might allow you to shake my hand after you suck out on me, you worthless, dirty, smelly fucking cocksuckers.

2) To you SMELLY fuckers, including our brothers from across the pond. Hey - here's a lesson in Comparitive Cultures that perhaps EuropeanSmellyFuckerPoker.com did not teach you in preparation for your visit to the WSOP. In the U.S., we take SHOWERS, you smelly fucks. In the old U.S. of A. we wash our asses and our clothes, and then we apply deodorant to any areas of our bodies that we deem as potentially smelly. Here's another revelation - the WSOP lasts SIX WEEKS, so bring more than one change of clothes, you dirty, smelly, rotten motherfuckers. If all you brought with you for six weeks was that goddamn PokerStars.com t-shirt or that awful who-gives-a-flying-fuck soccer jersey, then go visit your sponsor, and I'm sure PokerStars will give you another t-shirt or two just so that you DON'T smell like ASS for the rest of the WSOP. If they refuse, come find me. I will personally take you to the gift shop and buy you all of the WSOP gear that you can carry, and I'll throw in a bar of soap so that you can wash your smelly, sweaty ass. If necessary, you can come to my room and consummate the transaction by scrubbing the body odor out of your pores and dirty fucking ass and replacing it with a briefly sweet smell and a new t-shirt, even if it was a new PokerStars.com t-shirt direct from the tool shed. And while you are at it, take that nasty droopy-titty European bitch you brought with you and lock her in the room too. I don't want to see those fried-egg-tits hanging out at the pool with her unshaven, smelly underarms fucking up my environment either, and PLEASE don't let her come visit you at the table, blasting me with a double-barrel load of your nauseating European stench. Lock that bitch in your room and sacrifice her while you at least scrub the crust and salt and smell out of your OWN stinky ass before you come to the tables. You can go back and pound her smelly fucking guts out later when it doesn't affect my world or make me nauseous that you are such a NASTY, SMELLY FUCK with no concern for common hygiene practices or for the common decency to wash your smelly, shit-stained, cum-soaked dirty fucking bodies before bringing them close to me. In summary, don't show up at the tables smelling like you herd goats for a living. The WSOP lasts six weeks - prepare accordingly, you, NASTY, SWEATY, SMELLY, EUROPEAN SANDY FUCKS!!!

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Wow, Jonny was a lot angrier back then. Good thing he has found peace and put all of his former caustic rage to rest.

Peace and Love. ♥ Love you long time.