Kicked Square-In-The-Nuts:"Winstar World Casino" Thursday $550 Freezeout

Jonny played in Winstar's $500+50 today. 61 players. Same shitty Winstar structure. Dealers were fucking horrible, and between dealers fucking everything up, maddening noise from all directions, and idiot clowndick players, I was tilting beyond belief, even though I hadn't hardly played a hand for a while at the time. Seriously - where do they get these retard dealers that they stick in the tournaments? It's not like it's a $60 nightly tournament - it was $550 - get some dealers that can run a table without making repeated stupid mistakes, and then giving me attitude when I correct them until they finally figured out that they had indeed made a mistake. Your job consists of the most basic of math, making a little change, and distribution of cards. How do you manage to fuck that up?

Plus I was sitting at the table in the back corner, so I got to contend with the noisy ice machine/soda fountain and those same water-headed dealers playing the Superbowl of Grabass in the nearby break room, with the door open, of course. Then I'm also right next to the board where they post the table rotations, so there is constant bickering over who goes on break next and who pushes into where next. In one hand our dealer stopped-down the entire table (in the middle of a hand where there had already been an all-in and a call) to argue with the same dealers and a floorman over when her next break was. We each paid $550 to play this tournament, you ignorant CUNT. At least have the common courtesy to finish the hand you are on before going to war over your next break. Trust me, that game of Grabass has legs - it will still be going when your break finally comes - you're not going to miss it.

I had complimented their dealers to a few people recently because I had seen tons of good dealing in cash games, but I guess they stick the good dealers in the cash games, and especially in the higher limit games, and dump the retards in the tournaments. But for the record, yes, Winstar has some excellent dealers. I just didn't see a single fucking one of them today.

And why is yelling at the top of your lungs considered the defacto standard for professional communication between the folks that work in this poker room? Call me an elitist, but I prefer to enjoy my game of poker without the constant screaming across the room. It's called a walkie-talkie. It's the latest rage - You should check it out. If you can afford to build a gigantic facade out front to hide the fact that the Crown Jewel of your Gaming Empire is a goddamn tent, you can afford a better communication system.

And the players are fucking morons too. Half of them obviously learned how to play poker on the Travel Channel, but they haven't figured out that the cameras aren't rolling on them right at the moment. Vince Van Patten and/or Norman Chad are not going to later do the voice-over on your performance, Assclown. Check, bet, or fold Fuckhole. They act like every single decision is agonizing, and if you bet into them or raise them, they feel obligated to stare you down for at least 15 seconds before they fold. Just fucking fold so we can play the next hand, Cocksucker. And by the way, I can't tell shit from your eyes, so lose the sunglasses, okay? I'm sure the Clowndick factor will be even worse next week when the stakes are much higher.

Anyhow, I got knocked out 13th. My friend Grunkzzz made the final table (congrats!) and got 7th, but he was pissed about how bad the players and dealers were also. I REALLY don't want to play the Main Event this week. Maybe I'll be in a better mood on Sunday.

The only notable hand was late in the tournament - two tables left. It is folded to me in the SB, and I am short-stacked and move in with 9h7s. The BB insta-calls with Ad6c, and she has me covered by just 200. I flop a 9, she's pissed, but the board proceeds to go runner-runner to a Q-high straight (on the board). I say "Sweet! Chop it up!". I didn't notice that there were four hearts on the board, and that I had the only heart. I REALLY didn't notice that the four hearts on the board were 8-10-J-Q, so my 9h made a straight-flush. The table couldn't tell if I was being a dick when I said "chop it up" or if I was really that fucking stupid. Yes, I was tired and tilted and can't read a fucking board.

Anyway, FUCK Winstar, FUCK Winstar's dealers (excluding the good ones), FUCK Winstar's players, FUCK any and all Vinyl Goddamn Casinos, and FUCK and the entire Toothless Republic of Oklahoma. I think that covers most of it.

Jonny out, Bitches!